Just ranting, feel free to ignore!

I just need to have little rant to try and stop myself from complaining any more to Lewis who is being really wonderful and trying hard to take care of me.

I have been feeling really rough these last couple of weeks. I feel really tense all the time and can't sleep properly at night time which just leaves me exhausted. We had Olivia and Evie over last week which was nice but very, very tiring. I got to do lots of fun things with the children over half term but as soon as we stopped the activity I just began to feel tense and anxious again. I feel like I have been on a constant state of alert for ages and I don't really know why.

Church is really getting me down right now and I wish that there was a way to stop going without upsetting Lewis. I told our Relief Society president that I didn't want to go visiting teaching and I didn't want visiting teachers. I assume she has received my message, but she has not once asked if I'm ok, if there is anything that she can do and the same goes for my Bishop, my home teachers or pretty much everyone else at Church (not the Gilberts of course). They call themselves Christians but they are the worst examples I have ever come across. I wish I had remained at the Church of England because they are so much nicer. What makes me really sad is that the Church is not like this everywhere, just here in the Hull Stake. Bolton ward was such a wonderful place to be and I miss it terribly. I know for sure my Bishop there would have been pounding our door down to see what he could do if we so much as looked sad on a Sunday.

I'm also still waiting for my test results and that just sucks!

I am looking forward to Caitlin's birthday on Friday, and especially when she sees what her present is I think she will be thrilled to pieces.

Spooky faces

Boys and their toys

Lewis and his fabulous colleagues at Barton Police Station are trying to put enough funding together to start a remote controlled car club. They plan to take it in to schools and youth clubs. We already have New Holland Primary School and Ulceby Youth Cafe roped in. So of course they bought one to try it out and Lewis has borrowed it for the weekend to practice with it. Here is Nathan and Lewis taking the car for a spin outside our house, they had lots of fun whizzing it round he he.

Poorly Sick children :(

Caitlin and Esaias curled up on the sofa. Both are full of cold, bless.
Nathan cuddled up in Caitlin's blanket, pretending to be sick like his brother and sister!

A visitor to my bird table! The first we've ever had in a whole year! I have bought a coconut stuffed with suet so hopefully we will get more visitors.

Caitlin, Esaias and Nathan posing with the snowman we made.

More Snowy Pictures

Snowy Pictures

Emma in a Dilemma

Caitlin has suddenly become aware of the concept of competitions. We do let her have a go on tombolas and things like that, but everytime we explain to her that the point is to give the money to charity not to win something. BUT am I a terrible person because it upsets me to see her lose, and to see her be a little sad about that? At least with these things there is a stall holder there to offer a cheery smile, a thank you for playing...
Now Caitlin wants to send her pictures off to Channel 5 to enter a competition they are running on there, I have also seen a competition in Tesco to design a T-Shirt, but I'm afraid to let her enter because she really thinks she will win. Let me give you another example. She wrote to her favourite characters from High School Musical last year, and then kept asking me when they were coming over. She was certain that if she wrote they would come! I don't want to shatter her hopes and dreams, she's only 6! But It makes me so sad to see her disappointed. I know I can't protect her forever, but a little part of me wants to preserve her innocence for as long as possible...This is horrible, imagine what it will be like when she finds out the tooth fairy is me!!!!