I have been feeling really rough these last couple of weeks. I feel really tense all the time and can't sleep properly at night time which just leaves me exhausted. We had Olivia and Evie over last week which was nice but very, very tiring. I got to do lots of fun things with the children over half term but as soon as we stopped the activity I just began to feel tense and anxious again. I feel like I have been on a constant state of alert for ages and I don't really know why.
Church is really getting me down right now and I wish that there was a way to stop going without upsetting Lewis. I told our Relief Society president that I didn't want to go visiting teaching and I didn't want visiting teachers. I assume she has received my message, but she has not once asked if I'm ok, if there is anything that she can do and the same goes for my Bishop, my home teachers or pretty much everyone else at Church (not the Gilberts of course). They call themselves Christians but they are the worst examples I have ever come across. I wish I had remained at the Church of England because they are so much nicer. What makes me really sad is that the Church is not like this everywhere, just here in the Hull Stake. Bolton ward was such a wonderful place to be and I miss it terribly. I know for sure my Bishop there would have been pounding our door down to see what he could do if we so much as looked sad on a Sunday.
I'm also still waiting for my test results and that just sucks!
I am looking forward to Caitlin's birthday on Friday, and especially when she sees what her present is I think she will be thrilled to pieces.
2 comments:
A Cherokee Indian Elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside people's heads- There's a battle between 2 wolves that live inside us all. 1. The Wolf of Unhappiness- It is fear, worry, anger, jealousy, sorrow, self-pitty, resentment & inferiority. 2. The Wolf of Happiness- It is joy, love, hope, serenity, kindness, generosity, truth & compassion. The grandson asked-Which wolf wins? The old Cherokee Elder replied- The one you Feed!
Emma- It sounds like you need a little self care. The church can be a great support group but when you aren't doing the bare essentials of caring for yourself nothing else will matter. Self reliance is the biggest principle we forget in the gospel. You need to rely on yourself (physically, temporally, spiritually and financially etc.), then your family and then turn to the church in the end if all else fails for help. Your Visiting and Home teachers are there to be a blessing as well as those you are assigned to teach. It sounds really contradictory if you say you want help and friends in the ward but don't want visiting teaching because that was the purpose when they set up that organization in the first place. Your bishop can't be there at every beck and call you have and neither can the RS president. They are busy with their own families and running the ward and delegating help through programs like home and visiting teaching. I am sure your RS president was taken back by your request and not sure what to do and maybe thought you wanted space from others by your request. It can be hard to make new friends in a new ward but you need to reach out to others without asking so much in return. That is how friendships in general work. Everyone at church is not perfect including yourself but the Gospel and principles it teaches are. We all have problems and weaknesses and that is why we of all people need to go to church to LEARN how to be more Christlike people. My mom say that the first several years of being a Convert is the hardest. Satan works soooooo hard on you so be strong and show him who is boss Emma!!! My mum was was raised in the Church of England too but there is a lot missing from that church, for example God's Authority! I am sure they are amazing people and you could say that about people in any church but please be kind to others who have their faults. They are fighting a battle like you and some days they just may feel like you right now and get defensive or are less than kind. It is hard to feel loving when you are hurting huh?! I am sorry you are feeling so rotten about everything. Times are really tough right now economically and it shows inside and out of the church for people. I hope you can strengthen yourself and your family and then help those around you get through such spiritual trying and financially hard times as now. The Lord needs you Emma and so does your family to be strong and get back in the grove of life!!
I can honestly tell you that if you loose some weight your health will improve. You have such a small frame like me that any extra weight will harm you both physically and mentally. They say that even just taking off 5 pounds will help you sleep better at night. Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins are what give you energy and happy feelings! So cut out the English Sweets, eat smaller portions but more frequently during the day, Eat lean meats, veggies and fruit and good grains. Basically the Word of Wisdom and you will be a powerhouse and sexy mum again!!!
I know you said you didn't think anyone should reply but I read your blog and worried for you and had to say something. I hope what I said is of value and you take it in the spirit of kindness and love. Please take care and let me know if I can help you in any way!
opps I just realized I was signed on in my husbands account when I replied. Yes, I make mistakes and am totally not perfect too! Please forgive Me :) he he
This is Rachel Cassani and not Mr. PianoGuy, have a great day Emma!
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