I am not being dramatic, that is exactly what we experienced this weekend. Not exactly the way I wanted to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee!! I won't go in to much detail, but on Saturday I called an ambulance, deathly afraid I was going to lose our precious baby. I was certain the baby had gone. The ambulance crew took their time, I arrived at hospital and was sat in a corridor because there were no beds, next to a drunk guy in a bed who was moaning that he had been punched in the face. I wanted to scream out, why is no one doing anything? In the back of my brain I knew I was low priority because is I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do except let nature takes its course, but it was like watching one of my children standing in the middle of the M62 and trying to remain calm.... completely against any one's natural instincts, let alone a mother's. I REALLY wanted to punch the drunk guy in the face and take my anger out on him, but I knew that would do me no good either.
After hours of waiting I was told by an A+E doctor who was barely awake that I would have to wait until Wednesday for a scan ... at which point the rational part of my brain turned off and I became slightly hysterical. The doctor offered the chance to see the EPU doctor, which Lewis took. The EPU Dr examined me and assured me that the signs were positive and she could get me a scan on Tuesday, she also offered me a bed in the hospital until Tuesday. We made the decision to come home, but took the Tuesday appointment. We came home and truly mourned for our child. We made another trip to the hospital on Sunday and again were reassured all signs were positive, we went home and tried to take our minds off the waiting. On Monday I laid still for the whole day, I don't think I have done that since being a teenager! On Tuesday we went for the scan, and without trying to sound dramatic, I felt like I was being led out to the gallows. When we saw a heart beat and a tiny baby jumping up and down I think we both went in to shock. We had expected silence. It was a truly humbling experience.
Throughout it all we felt nothing but love from all of our friends and family. Fran had the whole family fasting and was determined that the baby was alive, I only wish I had her faith. Throughout it all I was so afraid of having to tell the children, who we'd only just told about the baby on the Thursday. Caitlin's Dad said she talked of nothing else all the time she was with him. I have sat them down today and told them that "Elmo" (Nathan's doing) has been given a body and so now he/ she may not need to be tested and may be taken back to Heavenly Father. If the worst happens I can only hope I have given them a way of understanding.
But for now, we know that "Elmo" is fine and still healthy, and we have so many supportive people around us. It was quite overwhelming how many stood by us in our time of need and I am so grateful for that, but especially to our Heavenly Father who has continued to bless us.
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